This essay was written more as a "train of thought". It's definitely still in the rough draft form. Keep that in mind while you're reading.
Nobody expected the
black boy in a class full of gifted children to win the spelling bee. Nor did
they expect that same kid to stand up in front of his whole church and proudly
say that he wanted to be a scientist when he grows up. Yet still, I crushed both
of these expectations before entering the 4th grade. The main challenge that
comes with being black in school is fighting against assumptions and expectations
based on race. Knowing about all of the expectations, more commonly known as
stereotypes, helps and hurts me. First off, it pushes me to do better in school
and prove people wrong. I use the stereotypes that are placed upon me as
motivation through hard times. As a black male especially, I’ve constantly been
told my peers that I’m “not supposed to be here”. Phrases like these serve as
constant reminders that I’m an “underdog”.
Not only do stereotypes
motivate me through tough times, but they also remind me that my actions impact
black students that come after me. Many of my peers with negative opinions of
African Americans have only seen them portrayed negatively in the media or have
only been exposed to a small sample size of African Americans. My performance
in school is not viewed as a “students’ performance”. Rather, a “black student’s
performance “
There
are plenty of untrue assumptions/stereotypes that I face daily like, “since you’re
black you must be poor” or “since you’re black you’re probably not smart”. These
are typically easier to get by. What makes life even harder is the fact there
are some stereotypes that I do fit into. I play varsity basketball. I like
sneakers. I wear a gold chain. I listen to rap music. I like to dance. Dammit,
I even like chicken. I don’t fit into all stereotypes of a “typical” black male.
However, fitting only a few of the criteria is enough to produce more expectations
As a sophomore in high school,
I studied three different types of racism. The type that most directly affects
me is internalized racism, the idea that after being subject to people’s racist
attitudes and ideals, the victim starts to believe in their so-called “inferiority”.
To me, internalized racism is even more of a challenge than dealing with the
other types of racism, institutionalized and mediated.
I think this is a great start. There are lots of ideas here that you could expand on, maybe some of the personal experiences. In the last paragraph, I was kind of interested in what you were going to say and wanted to hear more about that, so that may be something you expand on. Maybe like connect some experiences to that. There is a lot of reflection here and I really appreciate that because it is honest and it makes me think about my own situation. But yeah, I think expansion is the main thing. Nice train of thought :)
ReplyDeleteI liked your beginning, you didn't meander, you just plunged into the essay. I do agree with Macheila that you could expand many of your ideas. I think what could really help is describing at least one specific moment or event in your life and tying it into one of your points. It might ground the essay more.
ReplyDeleteI really like how you open the essay. Your first sentence right away catches the reader's attention, acting as a hook. It made me want to keep reading the rest of your essay and want to know what else you had to say. I think you should expand on this essay in the future (and I would definitely be interested in reading it!).
ReplyDeleteI can definitely see what you mean train of thought. The paragraphs could be a little more connected in terms of transitions. There were also parts where I felt could need to be expanded on. In general, it’s sort of sad to read about all the judgement you’ve faced over the years. I think this was a good topic for this prompt as often racism isn’t acknowledged and it needs to be brought up as a problem many people face. The only thing I have to say in conclusion is keep doing you and break through all those stupid stereotypes.
ReplyDeleteI like your post, but it would be helpful for you to expand on the ideas you have so far. Maybe go in depth about a specific time of how internalized racism affected you. I think it would also help to (at least briefly) discuss how other forms of racism affect you.
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post, and it can always be good to just write a train of thought without stopping before reviewing. Like the others have said, some expansion and more specific anecdotes would make this essay even better. That said, your main idea and tone are well established.
ReplyDelete