About a year ago, I was halfheartedly doing work during my free period in the senior lounge when my friend, Charlie, challenged me to a game of foosball. I, being my overly-competitive self, accepted his challenge. After winning 2 games at low intensity, Charlie started to get cocky. He made a bet with me that the first person to win 3 games would get a medium basket of tater tots from the "Cracked" food truck.
This was his first mistake. Charlie and I had been friends for a while and he knows that I would never agree to a bet that I couldn't win. He won the first game but I won 3 games in a row. A medium tot was waiting for me whenever I wanted it. Instead of taking the loss and leaving with his dignity, Charlie asked for a rematch. He said, "If you win the next game, I'll get you 2 medium tots from Cracked. But, if I win, you don't get anything".
After taking a serious butt-whooping in the firs "high-intensity" games, he should've realized that he was no match for my foosball skills. I accepted this new bet and won the game with ease. Now 2 medium tots were calling my name. Later that day however, I was talking to a senior about my recent victories. He reminded me of the fact that Cracked doesn't sell medium tots, only small and large. Knowing this, I marched down the hall and informed Charlie of the news and, this time, I made the bet. "If I win, I get 2 large tots from Cracked. If I lose, I only get one small." He accepted my offer.
This was Charlie's third mistake. He'd already been smacked around in the last games. Why try your luck on another one? Long story short, I whooped him again. I had more tots waiting for me than I could eat, and that was the problem. What am I supposed to do with all those tater tots? I would probably end up sharing them with Charlie which takes away my ability to gloat. So, the next day after school, I told him I didn't want the tots; I wanted the monetary equivalent, $7.50. If I lost, he'd only owe me half the money. As I expected, I beat him again. Somehow though, Charlie still had hope left. He decided, if I scored the next goal, I would get a whopping $15, but, if he scored, I'd only get $5. It was a risky move, but I went for it. Actually, it wasn't risky, it was just stupid on my part. I should've just taken the money I'd earned and moved on. Luckily though, the trend continued and I won. Charlie continued to make foosball-based bets with me and ended up owing a $50 debt to me.
Regardless of how much money I earned, I wish I could go back to the first game. I wish I had never accepted his first bet and continued doing my homework. The moment I made the first bet with Charlie, I started down a path of valuing money over my friendship, something I hope to never do again.
This was his first mistake. Charlie and I had been friends for a while and he knows that I would never agree to a bet that I couldn't win. He won the first game but I won 3 games in a row. A medium tot was waiting for me whenever I wanted it. Instead of taking the loss and leaving with his dignity, Charlie asked for a rematch. He said, "If you win the next game, I'll get you 2 medium tots from Cracked. But, if I win, you don't get anything".
After taking a serious butt-whooping in the firs "high-intensity" games, he should've realized that he was no match for my foosball skills. I accepted this new bet and won the game with ease. Now 2 medium tots were calling my name. Later that day however, I was talking to a senior about my recent victories. He reminded me of the fact that Cracked doesn't sell medium tots, only small and large. Knowing this, I marched down the hall and informed Charlie of the news and, this time, I made the bet. "If I win, I get 2 large tots from Cracked. If I lose, I only get one small." He accepted my offer.
This was Charlie's third mistake. He'd already been smacked around in the last games. Why try your luck on another one? Long story short, I whooped him again. I had more tots waiting for me than I could eat, and that was the problem. What am I supposed to do with all those tater tots? I would probably end up sharing them with Charlie which takes away my ability to gloat. So, the next day after school, I told him I didn't want the tots; I wanted the monetary equivalent, $7.50. If I lost, he'd only owe me half the money. As I expected, I beat him again. Somehow though, Charlie still had hope left. He decided, if I scored the next goal, I would get a whopping $15, but, if he scored, I'd only get $5. It was a risky move, but I went for it. Actually, it wasn't risky, it was just stupid on my part. I should've just taken the money I'd earned and moved on. Luckily though, the trend continued and I won. Charlie continued to make foosball-based bets with me and ended up owing a $50 debt to me.
Regardless of how much money I earned, I wish I could go back to the first game. I wish I had never accepted his first bet and continued doing my homework. The moment I made the first bet with Charlie, I started down a path of valuing money over my friendship, something I hope to never do again.
Prompt is "A moment you wish you could go back to"
ReplyDeleteI really liked the narration of your essay. The story was an interesting read, especially reading about how Charlie is continuously driving himself into more debt by losing your bets. However, I think you need to add more reflection than what you currently have to shape this into more of a personal essay.
ReplyDeleteSide note: If you regret your ways of the past so much, you could always pay him back :)
In response to your side note: nah.
DeleteThe last paragraph seems disconnected with the rest of the essay. To fix that, I think you could foreshadow its point/build it up earlier in the essay. Besides that, your voice and beginning are both very strong. I think quoting actual dialogue made the essay feel even more grounded, so definitely keep that too.
ReplyDeleteTo elaborate: I guess I see a discrepancy between the humorous tone as you discuss Charlie's first, second, and third mistakes, and the sudden regret and somberness in the last paragraph. If throughout the essay it were implied that this would turn out badly (e.g. feeling uneasy, someone else warning you, idk) I think the last paragraph would be very powerful.
DeleteI liked this essay because it has a good narrative to it! I think that the prompt was not very evident in the first paragraph but you did bring it out in the conclusion. The reflection in the essay was good and the mix with narrative. The humor in this essay was definitely the strong point, so if you made it more serious at times that could be good too! Great work!
ReplyDeleteThis is a funny story, and I enjoyed reading this essay. I like your narration and voice as you walk us through your journey with Charlie, foosball, and a never ending cycle of him losing and owing you increasingly greater amounts of money. My one suggestion would be that the last point you make in your final paragraph seems disconnected from the rest of your essay. Prior to that, there was no mention of your regret over betting or the devaluing of your friendship, but rather that you enjoyed the games, competition, and winning. I think one possible solution would be to first bring this point, that explains the prompt of why you would want to go back, earlier in the essay, even in the beginning. It would set the stage for the reader, and allow you to elaborate greater on this main point as you tell the overall story. One thing I would like to read more about is the specifics of the dynamics of your relationship with Charlie, and the impact foosball and getting had on it, for example the moment you realized that you began over-valuing money, and had a desire to return to that initial moment and turn down his offer.
ReplyDeleteNice essay. I liked how much your voice came through in the story. I also think you did a nice job using humor in your essay and weaving it into all the paragraphs. It definitely worked well with the rest of your essay. The last paragraph of your essay was kind of abrupt and I hadn't realized what direction your essay was going until I read it. I think it would be helpful to weave in your reflection throughout the rest of your essay so the reader has a better idea of the point you’re trying to make.
ReplyDelete